Ever had a friend open up to you and you had NO idea what to say? Or you noticed someone struggling but you weren't sure how to help them - maybe a friend, family member, or classmate? Well, you aren't alone.
Having conversations about mental health can be difficult and often creates a heavy and uncomfortable atmosphere. It's safe to say there's a LOT of stigma around mental health. While it isn't your fault that this stigma exists, it is your responsibility to help break it down by learning to be there for your loved ones and have those difficult talks. And that's why I'm here!
My name is Anjali Srinivasan, and I am a dedicated member of the Psyche & Cycle team. As someone who once had no idea how to confront mental health-related problems, both in myself and others, I know firsthand how challenging it can be. However, upon working on raising awareness for PMDD and recognizing how it affects women's mental health, I have made it one of my primary goals to defeat the stigma. The most vital realization I had was that the first step to doing this was a change in my own mindset. I had to understand that everyone has their own mental health struggles, and it's much more worth it to have that awkward conversation rather than let someone suffer in silence.
Recently, my team and I all took the Be There certification course, sponsored by Jack.org and the Born This Way Foundation. It's a free online mental health course that educates individuals on how to support others and themselves. Basically, the course took me through 5 golden rules:
Say What You See
Show You Care
Hear Them Out
Know Your Role
Connect To Help
Out of these 5, 3 of them had the greatest impact on me, and that's what I wanted to share with you all today.
First, golden rule number 2: Show You Care. While starting the conversation about someone else's mental health can be intimidating as you are unsure whether you are pushing boundaries or not, there are a plethora of other ways to show someone that you care about their wellbeing. For example, ensuring that your friend, family member, or other loved one is comfortable enough to open up to you is critical. Create a space where they don't feel judged or embarrassed to talk to you about anything. One way that I personally found effective was to plan activities that you and your friend love doing together. This can be as simple as going on a nature walk, visiting the zoo, playing board games, going out to get coffee and sharing laughter, or doing anything that the two of you can connect over. These simple acts show the person that you are interested in spending time around them and care about them without pushing the topic of mental health on them, allowing them to naturally be more open to talking about it with you. While these can be used for anyone going through mental health struggles, if your friend or loved one has PMDD, it is important to show extra love during their luteal phase. This is the 1-2 weeks prior to their menstrual cycle, when mental health struggles tend to worsen.
The second rule I greatly benefitted from is golden rule number 3: Hear Them Out. Something I had to learn the hard way through my own experiences is that listening is a skill that you have to develop. Not everyone is good at just listening naturally, and that's okay. However, listening to the person struggling is vital to allowing them to feel comfortable and seen. Though many people believe sharing their own experiences and lessons is helpful, there has to be a balance between sharing or giving advice and listening. Make sure not to bombard the person with advice or your opinions, as everyone has different experiences, and what works for you might not work for them. Always listen to what the person is saying and how their struggles impact them. Silence is okay! Silence is valid and you should embrace it during difficult conversations instead of trying to desperately fill it with meaningless words. Do your best to make the conversation about THEM and not YOU. This is their time, and your role is to simply be there for them during this time.
The last rule I recommend is slightly different than the rest. It's actually more focused on yourself instead of the other person. This is rule 4: Know Your Role. Oftentimes, certain conversations with people can trigger past memories or experiences that you have gone through yourself. These may be harmful to relive, thereby ultimately causing harm to yourself while trying to help someone else. This is where you have to set boundaries and, as the rule says, know your role. Your role in helping someone else is to simply be there for them, support them, and listen to their struggles. Your role in helping someone else is NOT to be their therapist, doctor, or coach, and they must seek professional help if the relationship is turning into those dynamics. It is perfectly okay and very much necessary to set boundaries with this individual very early on and let them know what your priorities and needs are well. Make sure they know you are willing to help them, but don't be afraid to set limits on the times as well as topics on which you help them. Your mental health should be your priority over everyone else's, so make sure you take care of yourself before others!
Overall, all 5 golden rules are extremely useful, and I therefore highly recommend the Be There certification course to ALL individuals, no matter your age or level of knowledge on mental health. If you are unfamiliar with some wording used in the course, they have a section to help define these for you, as well as a section of frequently asked questions by users, to answer all your doubts. I benefitted greatly from this course, but through my personal opinion, I wanted to share the three rules that I found most useful and important. I hope this encouraged you to check out the Be There certification and try it for yourself! Remember, it takes less than 2 hours to complete!
Good luck, and I hope the tips provided helped you be there for a loved one, whether they are struggling with PMDD symptoms during their luteal phase or any other mental disorder. Thanks for reading & stay tuned for more!
Comments