At the mere age of 10 years old, I got my period. My mom had given me the dreaded "talk" only two days prior to the day I got it. I had only understood the mere basics that every little girl is told: 1. How to put in a pad 2. How to make myself a heating pad from a sock and 3. How to hide my period from boys. The rest I learned from the other little girls around me. How to cover a blood stain, how to put in a tampon, and what apps are best for period tracking. All of those basics were bombarded upon me the moment I experienced my first cycle.
However, despite this influx of understanding from a community of women, nobody ever warned me about PMDD. I suffered from the symptoms for five years before I understood that my monthly reality was far from normal. All throughout middle school, my mental well-being crashed and burned. I would go into spells just before my period, where everything was (to put it simply) the absolute worst. I cut off friends over minute disagreements. I considered suicide over minor inconveniences. And above all, I was riddled with fear and anxiety, trying (and failing) to put my finger on what exactly was perturbing me so profoundly.
However, I always chalked it up to a simple case of PMS. People broke down in tears over their spoon falling, so a few thoughts of suicide here and there had to be nothing. But not until my junior year did I ever realize this was the furthest thing from normal. I learned through social media what PMDD was, and it permanently changed my life. Knowing that I had to confront these burdens and truly understand the disorder to overcome them was frightening, to say the very least. All through social media, I learned how to cope with the symptoms of PMDD and not allow them to become all-consuming.
While my mental well-being has improved significantly, I still have my struggles with the disorder. Just this month, my period came 12 days late. That was 12 days of symptoms and 12 days of feeling like the world was ending. Despite being aware of why I felt this way and knowing not to let the thoughts burden me too heavily, it did not take away from the fact that I was still sad with no real reason and no real solution.
Every day with Psyche & Cycle, I learn more about the disorder and bring more mainstream engagement to it. If one girl can see our page and identify with my struggles, I know that my struggles were not in vain.
Comments